The holiday season can be one of the hardest times of the year for anyone grieving the loss of their baby. Everywhere you look, there are reminders of joy, family, and celebration — and yet, for so many of us, this time of year feels heavier than ever. I remember how those first holidays after losing Aaliyah felt impossible. The world didn’t stop, even though mine had.

Through Aaliyah in Action, I’ve met so many families who have said the same thing: the holidays bring back waves of emotion, even years later. And that’s okay! There’s no right or wrong way to move through this season. What matters most is giving yourself permission — permission to honor your grief, permission to protect your energy, and permission to find moments of peace when and where you can.

I’ve learned from many professionals in this area (and through first hand experience myself) one of the most helpful things you can do is to make a plan. Think through what feels manageable this year — and what doesn’t. Maybe that means skipping a tradition that feels too painful, or creating a new one that honors your baby’s memory. Light a candle at the dinner table, hang an ornament with their name, or spend a quiet morning volunteering or journaling in their honor. You don’t have to do what you’ve always done — you only have to do what feels right for you this year.

It’s also okay to say no. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for needing space or solitude. Grief is exhausting, and pretending to be okay only deepens that fatigue. Give yourself grace to rest. Wrap yourself in softness — a cozy blanket, a warm bath, a quiet evening alone. Sometimes the simplest forms of self-care are the most healing.

If you’re facing this season without your baby, please know that there is space for both your grief and your hope. You can hold joy and sorrow at the same time. You can celebrate your baby’s love in quiet, meaningful ways. You can survive this season — even if it looks nothing like the holidays you once imagined.

You deserve gentleness. You deserve care. And you deserve to move through this season however you need to. I’m here to remind you that healing doesn’t mean forgetting — it means continuing to love, with intention and grace.

XO,

Liz, Aaliyah’s Mom