Grief Isn’t Linear — and No One Gets to Rush Your Healing

I know that after experiencing baby loss many of us, myself included, may heard quite a few things that weren’t helpful.

“At least you know you can get pregnant.”
“Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.”
“It was early — better now than later.”

Let me be clear: none of that helps. And if you’ve heard those same words and felt angry or just completely shut down — I want you to know, that reaction is valid. You’re not being dramatic, hormonal or overreacting. You’re protecting your grief and respecting yourself.

At Aaliyah in Action, we don’t do performative grief. We’re not here to make you look “okay” or to rush you into different stages of healing. My goal in this organization is to create space for grief however it shows up — quiet, loud, emotional, disconnected, hopeful, angry, confused — all of it. That’s what I needed in the earliest days of loss, and I figure some others may need that too.

To me, strength after baby loss isn’t pretending you’re fine. Strength is holding yourself through something that feels impossible and finding small ways to keep going. It’s learning how to live with your grief, not in spite of it.

This brings to me another important thing I’ve learned though the last few years. There’s no deadline for healing and our grief doesn’t expire. Some days you might find joy — a moment of laughter, a walk outside, a favorite meal — and other days, it might feel like your loss just happened yesterday. Both are okay. You’re allowed to let joy in. You’re allowed to say no to it, too.

My hope for those who have turned to us is to create a foundation — a starting point — for this new life. For grounding, for reflection, for acknowledging. Being supported during this chapter of your life isn’t extra. It’s what you deserve as you adapt to this loss, as you build your way forward in a world that looks completely different.

However grief looks on you this week — you’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing it bravely.

We’re all in this together. And Aaliyah in Action is always here for you.